Friday, May 30, 2014

My thoughts from yesterday.

Like Sabra, I was also quite glad to find that the midwives were going to stay with her. They've always been good to her, and I think it's always good to have as much support as you can, especially in situations like this. I'll be honest. I would have felt that she was being abandoned. (I almost said we, but, well, that would have just sounded weird.) Put it like this: it's like we're heading into this really bad storm in a boat, and there's no way around, and they're along for the ride with us. It would have felt like they were being plucked out and flown to safety. But they'll be there, and that'll be good. I'll be there too, of course, but I am still quite glad they'll be there with Sabra through this.

And no, I didn't cry when we heard Psalm-Angel Guadalupe's heartbeat yesterday, but I came damn close. Other than the damn LBWC, the baby's just fine, heart thumping along like any other baby's. Take that all by itself and you'd never know s/he was going to die. And dear God in heaven I hate to say that, but...ugh. I guess I know the only way to deal with it for me is to face those hard facts head-on.

But I sure as shit don't like it — even though I know there'd be something wrong with me if I did.

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