I must admit

I am jealous.

Jealous of ultrasound pictures of babies with smooth, perfect bellies.

Jealous of newborn photos with smiling parents and happiness and all the hope for the future that is the norm.

Jealous of belly pictures and professional maternity pictures and people buying baby gear for their healthy baby.

Jealous, even, of positive pregnancy tests, because I know the odds are overwhelmingly in favor of a healthy, normal pregnancy.

I mean, I'm happy these women are having normal pregnancies.  I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

But I want what they have, and it's not a usual feeling for me.